What is Aftercare?

Aftercare is an important part of BDSM that should not be overlooked. Aftercare is time that is set aside immediately after the scene is over for, as you you can probably guess from the name, caring for each other. It’s a time for the couple to re-connect outside of the scene. It’s a time to check in with each other and to talk about what you each liked or disliked about the scene. It’s a time to hold each other and let each other know how much they are loved. It helps keep the scene in perspective and reminds you that the scene was just role play, and now we are back in reality. It’s an opportunity to enjoy the high together that you’ve both just gotten out of the scene, and to not rush to move on and kill that high. It’s a time to care for each other physically to, not just emotionally, particularly after rough sex, pain play, or punishment.

More Extreme Scenes Demand Greater Aftercare

Aftercare should happen after every scene but is especially important following more extreme scenes. For example, during a degradation scene the dom may lightly smack his sub around, spit in her face, and call her a whore. Obviously, that needs to be discussed at length before the scene begins and both partners need to be in agreement that such a scene is something they want, or at least want to try. Outside of that scene the couple may be much like any other couple. They love each other very much and do not disrespect or degrade each other in real life. That is all role play that takes place within specific scenes only, so once the scene is over its important to get right back to being your loving, affectionate, cuddly, selves.

Emotional Aftercare

Your emotional aftercare can take whatever form best works for the both of you, they are your emotions after all. But some of the most common things you’d expect to see in terms of emotional aftercare are cuddling, touching, hugging, kissing, saying “I love you”, talking about how you’re feeling, giving each other feedback on the scene, and showering together. It could include any bonding activity that makes you feel connected and loved outside of sex though. One of you might give the other a massage, or you might exchange massages. You may be a couple of stoners who like to smoke some pot together afterwards. It’s up to you to key in on what makes you feel loved, connected, and cared for, and you can include any rituals that achieve this purpose.

Physical Aftercare

Aftercare may also need to involve medical treatment. This is especially true after certain types of play such as more extreme sadomasochism scenes. The submissive may need a soothing bath, or ointment applied to areas where she has been caned for example. In this case aftercare is not limited to immediately after the scene, but could last for hours, days, or even weeks depending on severity.