What is a BDSM Contract?

A BDSM contract is written agreement that outlines the expectations and goals of the relationship. Each person is making certain promises and commitments to the other. Contracts actually exists in all relationships of every kind, kinky or not, romantic or not, but more often than not they are non-written contracts or implied contracts. Wedding vows are a similar set of promises that we’re all very familiar with. In BDSM relationships people just tend to be much more explicit in their communication and like to have those contracts in writing. It’s a communication tool. Having it in writing helps facilitate open communication and makes for a contract that can be crafted more carefully and reviewed and revised more readily. The information in the contract can be very detailed, and deals with very intimate and personal subject matter, so it’s best not to leave that to implication, or to a verbal conversation.

What a BDSM Contract Isn’t

Of course, a BDSM contract is not a legally binding contract. It’s also not a one-time, take-it-or-leave-it, type of agreement. If that’s how it’s presented to you, you should leave it. It’s not a static document that once you sign it its set in stone forever. It isn’t a way to trap someone and make them stay with you. It is not restrictive, on the contrary, not having such clearly defined expectations and not having good communication tools such as contracts is much more restrictive than having them.

Do I Need One? How Long Should It Be?

Contracts are not required, but are an excellent communication tool, and are recommended. Most contracts are a page or two in length, but they can be much shorter or much longer. Your contract could be just a paragraph or two long, or it could be a 50-page book. It could be typed out on fancy paper or scrawled on a piece of notebook paper. It could be created from a template or something you create on your own. It could use more legalistic language or more casual language. It could be signed at the bottom or not be signed. What the contracts looks like, how lengthy it is, what style its written in, and whether or not it’s signed is not nearly as important as its content, and what it means to you.

Contracts Should Be Meaningful

Your BDSM contract represents your commitments to each other. It should embody the unique dynamic of your own personal relationship, not anybody else’s. The contract should be something with personal meaning to you. Just as a collar may mean as much or more to a couple than a wedding ring, so too may a contract have equal or greater value than if it were legally binding. The contract should be morally binding. It reinforces expectations and enables each person to hold the other accountable for the promises being made. It should not be entered into lightly. Contract signing can be part of a collaring ceremony and go hand-in-hand with being collared but does not have to rise to that level. Even with a brand-new relationship, having some sort of contract in place is beneficial. Contracts can and usually do evolve over time. Contracts can be part of any relationship, not just serious, long-term, monogamous relationships. It’s up to you to decide what goes into the contract and what the contract means to you.